Monday, September 26, 2016

Teen Lingo as Explained by an Actual Teen™


texting teen lingo

Hi. It's me, Ella, a 16-year-old and Certified Teenager™.

You may have heard about teens these days participating in "texting," "group chats," "g-chats", and other internet-or-cellular-based communication. And even more confusingly, they communicate using  cryptic acronyms and internet lingo!

How many times have you peeked over the shoulder of a texting teen and witnessed them type a befuddling phrase that you just couldn't decode? Well, worry no more. I'm here to share with you my patented Teen Lingo Decoder™, which comes equipped with a complete list of youth slang, so that next time you secretly search your teen's online conversations, you won't find yourself "IDK"-ing at your teen's IKRs and LOLs.

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Sorry, not sorry, y'all, I just really felt like trolling you today. ;)

This post was inspired by an Instagram post I saw, "explaining" a list of acronyms and slang that teens apparently use on the daily. Except they were all completely ridiculous and I had never used one in my life.

So I dug through my bookshelf and found some "girl guides" my mom gave me when I was a middle schooler, and sure enough there was a page on "Lingo for Online Chats." And, as I suspected, most of the "lingo" was pretty laughable, or just outdated. 

For example, have you ever typed DTRT? Or even know what it means? Neither did I, until this book informed me that it's short for, Do The Right Thing. This strikes me as funny because, a) the fact that it's an acronym implies that it's so commonly used that it's gotten to the point where it's easier just to shorten it, and b) the phrase is so much less motivational as an acronym. Imagine if you texted your friend, "I'm afraid to tell someone that Amanda is being bullied. What should I do?", and they just texted back, "DTRT." Like, excuse me, I need a little more advice than that, friend. Also, I'm obviously hurting here and you don't even have the decency to write out the whole phrase?

Okay, here's another for you to guess: G2GP. I'll give you three seconds to mull it over. 3...2..1.... And the answer is: Gotta Go Pee! Yup. For that moment when you're chatting with your friend and are suddenly struck with the sudden urge to tinkle. But your friend is waiting expectantly for a response! You can't leave her hanging. There's no time to type out a full three words--your bladder can't wait that long! Frantically, your fingers fly across the keyboard. Click, clack, clank, cluck. SEND. A message pops up on your friend's computer, all the way across town. By the time she's read those four fateful numerals, you're already relieving yourself in the water closet. 

I'll leave you with one last apparently common piece of lingo: BTDT. Baked That Danish Today? Nope. Bought Ten Dried Tangerines? Guess again. The correct answer is: Been There Done That. I am almost positive that I have never even said that phrase out loud, much less typed it in abbreviated form. How many text conversations does this apply to? Friend: Ugh, I just ate like ten funnel cakes at the fair and threw up behind the House of Mirrors. Me: BTDT. Yikes.

And now for the final challenge: Can I use all three of these ridiculous terms in one sentence? 

Okay, gimme a minute.... I think I've got one. Ahem. 

You know that moment when you're in the community pool and you've G2GP but you're wearing a one piece and the bathroom is just so far away, and even though you know you should DTRT, you're just like, eh, BTDT, when you G2G you G2G, amiright? 

I even slipped an extra piece of snazzy text lingo in there. You're welcome. 

L8r sk8r,
Ella

PS. Is it ironic that my sign-off signature is dorkily abbreviated, or is that the incorrect use of irony?



6 comments:

  1. ahhahahahah YES. You had me rotfihl (rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter duuuhhhh) Even in the cringy days of MSN text speech I'm pretty sure I never used any of those. Maybe been there done that, but I don't think I've ever shortened it! I remember when i was younger being given a book about texting safetly and it was a cartoon of a little guy and his nokia phone screen with all this "text speech" that we were just like???

    It's crazy! You really made me laugh though ahaha

    Love,

    Anne // www.aportraitofyouth.co.uk

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    1. Thanks so much! I'm glad the humor got through.

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  2. THIS WAS A PLOT TWIST ON YOUR BLOG. I loved it. and really G2GP... never used that but its true right now... awkward I know!

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    1. Just had to change up the tone and write a humor post for once...glad you liked it. And there's no shame in answering the call of nature ;)

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  3. Hahahah, this post is HILARIOUS!!! XD

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